Bullying, Be Gone!

Recently opened a deviantart account just to follow what tickles my fancy, and furry artists who seemingly you can't see anywhere else being they choose that site as their own little hub to be known from.

I also immediately began blocking accounts of awful people I used to talk to, and others who simply liked messing with me. Not only there, but also in other places online when I was more active. Some of said accounts belonging to people I once used to consider friends, and whom I had a fallout, or found out they were just pretending to care.

It gets me highly anxious to see their accounts, whether they're active or not. Just seeing their names online bringing the worst things I went through back then when I had thought the Internet was a place where you mattered.

I simply don't want to ever see them around me anymore. I try living my life outside online dealing with very serious problems which I don't wish to have such awful people come in and make it even worse.

I know I should just get over it. I can't seem to.

Had a couple episodes where my brain loves to recall shitty past events of my life, such as when slaving 4 years of my youth in High School in exchange for being treated like crap, by students and faculty alike, using things like verbal and physical abuse, racial discrimination, and making me feel like questioning my life at early age. Today, I spent the next couple hours arguing with AI about how after years of seeing how incredibly horrible people can be, in real life and online, you just don't feel like talking to any strangers you meet later on, much less trust them.

All that with the implications of keeping it inside once you learn that whenever you open up to anyone, tey use such things against you in the long run.

Like all the times it happens, I just let it run its course so I can get on with my life.

The only difference is that I am still seeing that therapist bi-weekly so I can have an outlet and not waste time I could use in a productive manner.

I just love it whenever I tried talking to a "kind" person about anything like this, the only thing they kept telling me was that I was a "grown-ass man," or to "man-up."

Keep in mind most of these jackholes write paragraph-long entries about how sad they feel for petty things like not having money to buy latest Anime/My Little Pony figurine, or how much they love the attention they get from their "friends" following them on social media, somehow making them think they are above anyone else.

Seems no matter how hard I try to nove on, every other instance my brain continues to make me remember the times horrid individuals would bully me online and how far they would go to in crossing the line and how it affected me in the long run.

What bothers me the most is how these assholes would make an expectable of it, enjoying it while they would get away with doing such underhanded things to me, and how they would think little of it, telling me to "get over it" among other petty things adding insult to such demise.

I feel nothing but contempt for these bullies for ruining my life and leaving me as an emotional wreck who tries in copping with my own.